in defense of some alleged promiscuous dancing

it's been some time since my last post. you see, i'm finding it hard to compose something. i don't have an idea what to write about and if an idea does come to mind, i end up with writer's block so nothing gets written anyway.

however, just recently we had our annual Convergys Summer Outing at Cebu Beach Club last May 25, 2006. during the said outing, several witnesses claimed that i was involved in some promiscuous dancing.

i am thus writing here in order to clear up my name on this matter as i feel that it would be dangerous for such accusations to remain.

such accusations were brought to attention by a friend who had mentioned that some agents were commenting on a certain Sprint TL who was caught doing wild dancing with several people. According to the witnesses the said TL's dancing was very provocative and was bordering on the sexual. Surprise was then the common reaction of people to this as they had not expected that the said TL would display diRRRty behaviour.

although i am not positive that i was the said TL being mentioned in the blind item, the said friend insists that i was the one being targeted and thus i am answering their claims.

i confirm that on the evening of Thursday, May 25, 2006, in the vicinity of Cebu Beach Club, around the hours of 7:00-9:00 PM, i was involved in some dancing. said dancing was done either in the presence or in partner with good friends or my agents. said dancing was intended to be for fun and to give off infectious energy to the other participants. said dancing was not sexual in any manner and was performed as good clean fun and with sound mind.

should there be such who still insist that it was sexual, i plead innocent. yes i do dance. and i dance well. but i do not sex up my dancing. dance is an expression of art. and being a failed artist i am entitled to explore other expressions of art than just paint, music and paper. if it be in dance, then give me this right.

markdown, line item number 24: rambled

as the title will suggest, this particular post has no intended central theme and direction. it will meander any which way the author likes and will contain whatever is in the immediate consciousness of the author at the time of writing...

begin...

i went to the dental clinic earlier today to have a tooth extracted. a molar. number 6 on the teeth count. it has previously had a dental filling and it is now falling apart. anyway, the dentist said we couldn't have it done right away, it being an upper molar. an x-ray was needed. but i had a general cleaning and had some gaps filled. it's covered by the maxicare of course. back again to the rotten tooth. i had it x-rayed. bad news. it seems the root of the tooth, all three are overlapping into the sinal cavity. this means if the tooth will be extracted, i will most likely end up with an infection or that everytime i gargle, water will pour out of my nose. disgusting. lesson learned: value your teeth.

it's saturday afternoon today and i'm loving the weather. gray sky, a drizzle on the ground. a mistiness and a coldness that seeps into your bones. there's always something about a cold weather that strikes a chord in me. it brings about a melancholic feeling. and i'm a sucker for melancholia.

bitch! i'm talking about the waitress at the cafe i'm making this blog in. i just ordered some water and asked it to be placed in a spill-proof bottle. and the next thing i know, she slams it by the pc. of course it was slammed, i had the headset on and i still heard it being put with force. i just wrote down a complaint and i'm giving it to their boss. god! i hope she gets a beating!
i can fairly hear them talking about the incidence a few metres to my right side. heck! if your going to talk about things behind my back, might as well do it away from my line of vision.
i can't think clearly when i'm pissed off, so it'll take some time for me to write down the next paragraph.......................................................................................................

i've got work later tonight and try as i might i can't force myself to sleep. that's why i'm trying to tire myself out by thinking nonsense and posting it here. i may have some condition you know. mommy bevs said i might. i often have difficulty sleeping and when i'm awake i end up fatigued like a few hours after. it has not progressed to the extremity of narcolepsy yet.

i'm thinking of moving out from my place here in banilad. it's too far from work. that's the only reason really. i spend about an hour getting from here to the site and i'm pretty sure i could do a lot of stuff in that time. i asked the help of gracie to find a place and there's an apartment worth 6000 w/ 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a shared living room and kitchen and a verandah. i asked jumax about it as she's also looking to move closer to the office and she says the space is too small for her. i don't know.

i'm watching the naruto vs sasuke episode of naruto as i don't have any thing to do. i'm bored.

jappy, mike and joy think i'm being others. i don't hang out with them anymore. i asked jappy, what do they get when i'm there and what do they stand to lose if i'm not. she said, friendship. i've got a 116 people listed on my friendster list. not a lot. and the number of the people i really do have as friends would be much fewer.

anyway, i'm tired and sleepy now so this ends here.

oh where does the time go?

when was the last time i read a full book? it was probably more than a year ago...the thought depresses me...quite some time ago, i saw myself as a freelance novelist who wrote dark fiction...now i can't even compose a decent blog without either rambling unweighty BS or losing my train of thought.

it's not that i don't see the value of reading but that i can barely find the time to read anymore. the time of the day i have left after work is left to sleeping. which makes my life an endless cycle of sleep, work and eat. other than reading, there are a ton of other activities i would kill to be able to find the time: working out, decluttering my room, learning how to cook, hitchhiking, the list could go on. but again, all i could ever manage to do once i get off work is sleep.

it's probably just an issue of personal time management. i'm sure a number of people have the same sentiments about their lives. the only difference between a doer and a thinker (the stage i am still currently at) is the action. you see, i have this disease that i can't seem to shrug off. i procrastinate. and i'm sure that this is what primarily wastes the most of my time.

ok, let me be entirely honest about it then. i don't necessarily spend most of my time off work sleeping. well i do get stuck in ayala or some other place just chilling out, dining out or window shopping. and yes, i know, they're all a total waste of time. which is what again led me to the realization that i procrastinate.

here's the rundown...i spend two hours after shift at ayala to just eat and then mall around. the more successful people would spend the whole two hours in this manner: 30 mins - eat lunch, 15 mins - stop for a cup of coffee and reading the paper, 15 mins - organize their day or the next day, 10 mins - calling up their contacts, 30 mins - reassessing their goals and making an action plan, 20 mins - getting to that place they need to be to start hitting their goals.

and this further derails me. why can these power people have the committment to manage their life in such an efficient and effective manner. why can't i?

julia fordham was right to ask, "where does the time go?" i have my own answer to that. in useless crap! so i've got my goals reassessed. and i'm starting my new year's resolution: stop procrastinating! and i'll start it today or tomorrow! we'll see!

the psychology of bisayan curse words

it happened to strike me not too long ago while i was musing on the usual unimportant things in life. bisayan curse-words are unique in character. if you would take notice, bisayan-curse words centralize upon the regionally transcending topic of sex, or "kayat"...

what i have noticed is that while the other languages do make use of words "that denote sex" as curse-words...americans for example frequently use fuck...the bisayan curse-word vocabulary extends to using the actual sexual organs...

i mean i haven't heard anybody use the word dick or pussy as a negative interjection...it may often be used in an adjectivial sense but never as stand-alone sentences that give the feel of strong negativity.

and in contemplating this, i wondered if there was perhaps an underlying psychology as to why the words are used...and that includes the context in which they are used...

let's begin with the popular feminine curse-word "bilat!" the word refers to the female sex organ in general...when it is often used it indicates a sudden surprise, a disbelief, a shock at the extremeness of something pointed at...now...what does such usage indicate?

the context in which the word is used probably describes how bisayan culture views the female organ...as something utterly surprising...something disbelievable...as something which one would not expect to exist in such extreme proportions...i'll leave you to finish the line of thought

then let us turn our attention towards the masculine curse-word "lagay" and "lolo", which are often used with a second-person possessive pronoun "nimo"...the phrases "lagay nimo!" and "lolo nimo!" are often used to indicate that one distrusts in what the other party may be saying...a doubt that what he is professing as truth is an exaggeration or quite possibly, just plain untrue

so how does the male sex organ then come across...the bisayan culture may view the male sex organ as a phallusy, ehem, fallacy...that perhaps, should the subject be raised, all it comes across is an exaggeration...a blowing-up of something which is less than expected

and then is the issue of the curse-word "kayat!" which is the actual sexual act itself...often the word is used to indicate a passionate negativity towards the occurrence of an event...displeasure at a given incidence

so, if thought were applied to the words usage, bisayan culture might view the actual act of sex as an unpleasant topic...a regional taboo...or perhaps it indicates the bisayan attitude in the actual act of copulation...either that of marked displeasure or a strong tendency to become violent

the intention in writing out this post is not to insist or enforce my personal views on the topic, after all one's interpretation of psychology is meant to be personal

let this then be just a suggestion for the reader to give some thought on the subject and perhaps reflect on...should the reader choose not to, let me leave off with a personal declaration
"bilat! lolo nimo ug dili ka motuo sa aho! kung dili ka ganahan ani, unsa man diay imo gusto? kayata sad nimo uy!"

one afternoon while drinking coffee at starbucks

it's an hour after work...i'm in ayala and then the same impulse hits me...a cup of coffee.

at this point i have this feeling that this is not a developed addiction to the caffeine from the well-brewed coffee of starbucks...this is more on a vain response to seemingly look interesting as one reads a thick paperback book by a recognized classical author.

so, the impulse takes over...and slowly but purposefully i head to my destination... a two-story building with a quasi-spanish developed architecture...order my usual cup of short cafe macchiato, head downstairs, take a table facing the lagoon and take two minutes of seating myself comfortably on the metallic seat...i then take out the thick, paperback book which i had been postponing to read for quite some time...

i take out the thick, paperback book, fyodor doestoevsky's "the brother's karamazov" and pretend that i'm doing something interesting...as i do this seemingly mentally excruciating exercise, a line of thought begins to form...my shallowness is accentuated by this hobby i am trying to pick-up...i am reading not for the sake of developing a hobby but to feed my intellectual vanity

perhaps our life is filled with moments when we act to feed our own vanities...wearing a handsome get-up is a product of our aesthetic vanity, adding people to your friendster list derives from your social vanity, even isolating oneself from other's is vanity, a vanity in peculiarity

if such were truth, are we any less noble as humans? if nobility were gauged on selflessness then yes...but may not selflessness be it's own type of vanity, a vanity of divinity? doing good for the reward which is eternal life...a reward which is made favorable by living among the divine beings

in effect, one might get bothered on the concept that perhaps we are not as noble as we aspire to be...the reaction the reader may have towards this may be displeasure...that! i cannot affect

the only consolation i could offer is that while i am writing this, i am in a state of mental euphoria owing to an excess of nicotine...and thus whatever i may write here is of no importance and should not in any way be treated seriously