caramel, cinnamon and a longing

desire is a six-letter word. i'd much rather prefer it to the concept of love. love as they say is complicated. desire is not. desire is not some complex machine that takes time to warm up. takes effort to operate. and takes forever to shut down.

the idea behind it is simple. all you have to do is want. nothing hard. which makes it all the more a powerful emotion. the simplicity of it makes it addictive and indulgent.

how difficult it could become depends on what you want. just remember to desire within your means. that often translates to desiring what you are. but we don't often find ourselves appealing.

that's expected.

so we often desire beyond ourselves. which becomes quite often troublesome. the common fix to making it easier is to make us want ourselves. so we do a lot of stuff to make ourselves better. we sign up for gym memberships. which we may or may not use. we drop by a spa or salon. monthly, weekly or daily. we follow all sorts of beauty regimens. we have surgery done. we even have self-help books to make us feel better about ourselves when nothing can basically be done.

we are what we always have been. slaves to a culture mastered by desire.

often master/mistress desire is depicted as an androgynous personage who transcends barriers of race, color and sex. to understand the nature of desire takes quite an effort. but basically, the representation is for us to know that desire is not just all about a physical wanting but can be much more than that. we will always want something. we may even want desire itself.

we don't always want to admit it because we want to believe that we are much better than that. when really? all of our intentions have always been dictated by the rule of "getting what we want."

so i have all the respect for those who have what they want. because i believe it must have been difficult getting it. it takes a battle tooth and nail in order to get to where you need to be.

as for me? well, my desires are simple. all i want is to be bigger. (no! i certainly did not mean in that department!) i want to go beyond the simple humanity and transcend to divinity. i don't seek to become a god. it won't be easy to explain it. such as it certainly would not be easy for me to understand too the desires of others. let's just end it at there then.

(this post was inspired after hearing suzanne vega's hypnotic track "caramel." it explains the title.)