regal shocker's mega-ultramatic super blog

fringe benefits

2009-11-12T20:12:00.001-08:00

so, i've recently been watching fringe this week. because of this, there is one thing that i've suddenly just realized. it's been a long time since i've had my brain working at full speed.

well, yes, work in itself has been stressful and it's been difficult to cope, but it's more a physical and emotional stimulation than it is mental. what i'm saying is that it's been a long time that i racked my brain in order to understand something very complicated. very much, like what i was doing partially in college. partially, because if i remember right, i half-slept through most of college.

but watching fringe, and seeing how eccentric, scientists and geniuses are, i am beginning to think that i'm not living up to my full potential.

as such, i've made a decision, and i do hope the decision sticks, to once more challenge my mind. get the gears in my head running at full speed and hopefully not end up with an aneurysm.

this starts today, and this thing i'm writing right here is going to be my documentation.

and since we're talking about documentation, i think I should get a notebook. something to write on. i guess that's something that eccentric but mentally advantaged people often do.

and i hope that i am such a person.

my grade school teacher was a horny bitch

2007-01-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

Miss Brenda Sindurot, was our grade school teacher in English.

early on, i had a crush on her, because at that precocious young age, i thought anybody else who knew more than i did was amazing. in addition, she had a fine ass.

but despite seemingly being a respectable teacher in our school, Miss BS was also a very horny woman. but then, at age 10, we wouldn't know that off the bat. she was after all, more a woman of words than of action.

as i said, Miss BS, was our grade school teacher in English. we often would have grammatical exercises every now and then. and these were her sample statements:

- i (insert verb here) sausage and eggs for breakfast.

- my boyfriend was playing with my kitten earlier.

and such examples.

and one other thing, she would make us do action songs every now and then in class. and her favorite was this one:

"watermelon, watermelon,
papaya, papaya,
banana, banana,
banana, banana,
fruit salad, fruit salad."

oh! how she loved doing that song so much!

K.O.G.

2007-01-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

"do not unto unto others, what you don't want others unto unto you."

it's a murdering of a very old, but very wise biblical saying - the Golden Rule. the Golden Rule educates us on meaning well for others if we intend for them to treat us in a favorable manner. it is a valuable lesson and a beautiful motto to live by.

and here are other ridiculous murderings of common sayings:

do not judge a book, cover it.

birds of the same feather, are the same birds.

don't judge my brother, he is not a book. - as actually said by miss melanie marquez

- and a friend's favorite - the world is young, and so are we, but only god can make a tree.

but rather than calling to attention whenever someone makes a pun of wise anecdotes, we instead laugh with it. anecdotes are valuable. at times valuable enough to be translated into mottos in life.

but then we do not take it seriously whenever the question is ever asked about our motto in life. we even snicker at judges who would ask such a question to a contestant. often we presume the judge is too simple-minded to have asked such a shallow question. when the question in reality is anything but shallow. it is a simple reflection of how we view life and by which principles we follow.

something as short as - "time is gold" - is another useful motto to live by. it teaches that every moment should be treated preciously. that every day must be lived to the fullest. and it would do all of us a lot of good if we were to do such.

24 years into this world should warrant a "motto in life". and i have one such. and the saying has dictated how i am living my life.

people often say i'm autistic...or indifferent...or suplado. but i have lived my life with the understanding that it is wisest to not bother other people. that it is best to not involve yourself where you have not been invited. to learn to let others live as they please.

it is but a short saying, which, like all other aged quotes, holds much wisdom.

someday i'm planning to have the acronym K.O.G. tattoed on my nape to sum up my life principle. to instill a sense of spiritual connection to my motto.

K.O.G.

Keep Off the Grass.

are we mice? or are we men?

2006-09-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

mice live in my room. i had these doubts for some time but had never been able to confirm it. the only possible clues i had was the bleeding toe that i had one time that i was sleeping. as well as the gnawing pain i felt in the middle of the dreaming.

so i bought myself some fly paper. with the intent of hoping to catch whichever pest was bothering me. to date i have caught six mice. the first two i left outside to rot and be eaten alive by ants and larvae. the next ones i left on the flypaper. the other two i'm conducting an experiment on by placing them in a "sola" bottle. yes! that would be sola as in the ice tea. i'm hoping that they would display some form of cannibalism.

owing to the incidences with the mice, i happened to have a nightmare involving an overpopulation of rodents attacking people and bringing about the end of the world. if you saw willard, it'd be reminiscent of people getting attacked by hordes of rats. i did not see the movie but just trailers of it as i figured it wasn't worth watching. in the dream though, aside from getting attacked, they - people - also get chewed to pieces.

the dream ends in that just a group of people survived. me included. and we put up headquarters in an old Hollywood theater.

and that is how it ended. it doesn't really settle whether we do eventually survive or get outsmarted by the rats and eventually end up as their snack.

first time i had a rodentated dream. i hadn't expected it to be so because i never did have musophobia. i do find it disturbing though that a lot of my dreams have end-of-the-world scenarios. i'm refusing to convince myself that it's perhaps because i think that eventually my life is going to self-destruct.

but as scientists often speculate. should an end-of-the-world scenario occur there would be likely to be two prevailing species in the aftermath. the first would be cockroaches, which i cutely refer to as cookie-roaches. and then the other, would be rodents.

so in a million years from now...when we are all dead...we are likely to see a neverceasing war being fought between the two supreme races in the world. the Roachkies and the Rodentoes. very unoriginal names. fuck! i am so uncreative today.

and one thought bothers me about the end-of-the-world scenario. is this really highly likely? are we, in the future, going to end up as fodder for roaches and rodents? what an end for the almighty human race?

thus here is my challenge to the current generation of men...ensure your place in the world! protect your place in the hierarchy! destroy all possible opposition!

let's start by stocking our homes with baygon and raid cans! eliminate the roaches, the rodents and any other pestophods that are currently plaguing your lives! don't let them give you shit!

...and oh! don't forget the fly paper. there has to be flypaper!

an extremely bad case of the bajujees

2006-09-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

i woke up today feeling like crap...

i didn't want to go to work...

would have loved to call in absent...

felt that all the ten plagues had befallen me and that there was no option left but to take my life...or somebody else's...

i was having an extremely bad case of the bajujees.

it's never good when i have THEM. nothing good ever comes when i do. i end up being devious and criminal.

i remember two occassions from college.

both had me doing some nasty stuff.

the first time...i bought a bar of chocolate. opened it. got a dead cockroach. stuffed it into the chocolate. sealed the bar back into the package. and then left the package in one of our university benches....a few minutes after, when i passed by the area, a frat guy was spitting furiosly as though he had to seriously clean his mouth. probably ate something bad.

the second time...i bought a bag of chips. chippy for that matter. opened it. caught a live spider. stuffed it in the bag. sealed the bag. live spider and all. and then left it in our cafeteria.... i'm wondering if people enjoy "spippy?"

nasty.

i don't trust myself when i feel the bajujees.

i scare myself when i do.

so i must suppose right, to not write, the worst ever instance i had...

the vilest.

the most underhanded.

the least conscientious bajujee-influenced plan i've ever laid out.

as i said, i wouldn't trust myself. all the more likely that you wouldn't.

trust me.

my brother is not a pig....he's just morbidly obese

2006-08-28T16:24:00.000-07:00

i have a brother who weighs about 180 lbs but is just over 5'3". if you have a good grasp of proportions, you can visualize that my brother is fat. it doesn't make him any less of a person. hes' still a person. a person with the constitution of a pig!

yes! my brother is overweight. and so are my eldest and youngest sisters. they unfortunately inherited my dad's fat gene. but we shouldn't be entirely blaming on genes. after all, DNA doesn't chew your food or choose how much you eat. because aside from being graced with a metabolism that runs slower than a turtle on valium. they do share an undeniable fondness for food. they, 60% of americans, and who knows what percent of the world.

obesity is a current issue. and at the other side of the weight issue are the malnourished. which is where i previously fell under. five years back i was 118 lbs and 5'8". so i near resembled a stick figure puppet.

i didn't starve myself though. people even often commented a lot as to where i was putting what i was eating as i certainly wasn't gaining weight. it's just been recently that i've been growing sideways. i don't know whether i should be happy or depressed. the dilemma of how i should respond is of course encouraged by the fact that my pants before don't fit anymore and that i can barely see my cheekbones.

so i've been planning for quite some time to sign up for membership at a local fitness gym. to buff myself up. or look like i've got pandesal abs. i know i've got the finances to pay for month's of membership but i can't even make myself sign up yet. i've inquired at several places. holiday spa's offer was really interesting. considering that you get to pay P4500 for 3 months and you get a lot out of it. and then there's a nearby gym that charges only P550 per month. quite cheap and it's just less than 5 minutes ride from our place. but then again, i still haven't signed up for it.

that's one vice i can't seem to get rid of. i'm short of being a narcoleptic. i'm too lethargic to move about or make something out of my life. damn, i'm such a sloth!

.....but at least i'm not a pig.

caramel, cinnamon and a longing

2006-08-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

desire is a six-letter word. i'd much rather prefer it to the concept of love. love as they say is complicated. desire is not. desire is not some complex machine that takes time to warm up. takes effort to operate. and takes forever to shut down.

the idea behind it is simple. all you have to do is want. nothing hard. which makes it all the more a powerful emotion. the simplicity of it makes it addictive and indulgent.

how difficult it could become depends on what you want. just remember to desire within your means. that often translates to desiring what you are. but we don't often find ourselves appealing.

that's expected.

so we often desire beyond ourselves. which becomes quite often troublesome. the common fix to making it easier is to make us want ourselves. so we do a lot of stuff to make ourselves better. we sign up for gym memberships. which we may or may not use. we drop by a spa or salon. monthly, weekly or daily. we follow all sorts of beauty regimens. we have surgery done. we even have self-help books to make us feel better about ourselves when nothing can basically be done.

we are what we always have been. slaves to a culture mastered by desire.

often master/mistress desire is depicted as an androgynous personage who transcends barriers of race, color and sex. to understand the nature of desire takes quite an effort. but basically, the representation is for us to know that desire is not just all about a physical wanting but can be much more than that. we will always want something. we may even want desire itself.

we don't always want to admit it because we want to believe that we are much better than that. when really? all of our intentions have always been dictated by the rule of "getting what we want."

so i have all the respect for those who have what they want. because i believe it must have been difficult getting it. it takes a battle tooth and nail in order to get to where you need to be.

as for me? well, my desires are simple. all i want is to be bigger. (no! i certainly did not mean in that department!) i want to go beyond the simple humanity and transcend to divinity. i don't seek to become a god. it won't be easy to explain it. such as it certainly would not be easy for me to understand too the desires of others. let's just end it at there then.

(this post was inspired after hearing suzanne vega's hypnotic track "caramel." it explains the title.)

industrial power tools + bouncing jugs = satisfaction

2006-08-04T02:32:00.000-07:00

"push me, and then just touch me,
till i can get my, satisfaction."

the song is satisfaction by benny benassi. faintly over the background, you'd be hearing the words "push, push, push, push" repeated over and over. the song is plainly about wanting. a wanting that just goes on and on.

the song by itself is infectious and is quite a good dance beat. but there is one other thing of mention. the video adaptation by the ministry of sound. it's a sorta-home-shopping network commercial for industrial power tools. and every so often are practical bits of information on the tools being placed. quite boring. were it not for the graphically stimulating images of sweaty, scantily clad, big-breasted women in suggestive poses.

so what's the sense in discussing the said video. it's intended to stress the point of my blog. SEX SELLS. if there is one successful way of promoting whatever product you are selling, then you have got to SEX it up.

which is why i would suggest for our client, ibm-sprint to make it as a promotion for their products. add a tiny bit of sex into the goddamn services. thus, vision should come with a month's free membership to XXX sites. aas/aap orders should come with a free sex toy. roadside rescue should be hiring sexy mechanics to assist our helpless customers. and sprint long distance should allow 50 free minutes to a phone sex hotline.

but i'm getting side-tracked here and so far my writings have done nothing to establish this fact.

shit! i just did research online and there is a new study that now establishes that sex and violence do not sell. bummer! might as well not continue with what i'm trying to write on here.

hmmph! the survey was a cheat. it's actually conducted to see whether viewers of a violent, sexually explicit television program would be able to remember advertisements for products such as cereal, soft drinks and laundry detergent. well of course you wouldn't expect any success in that. viewers are more likely to remember the sexual or violent program. maybe if you had organically grown vegetables being used in those programs and then momentarily flashed in the screen, then it's more likely for the viewer to remember "farmer green's fresh zuchinnis."

to further establish this, let's have a quick look at what's currently popular. the current no. 1 single in the us right now is "promiscuous" by nelly furtado feat timbaland. i hope you've heard the song or it'd be a waste of time to use it as an example. but then, let's quote some words from song:

"promiscuous girl
wherever you are
i’m all alone
and it's you that i want

promiscuous boy
you already know
that i’m all yours
what you waiting for?"

the song, as a resource in youtube.com briefly describes is a take on the controversial topic of maintaining sexual relations with a lot of casual partners. very interesting and would aptly describe the prevailing culture that encourages promiscuity.

well, promiscuity is a favorable subject. that and whichever aspect of sex is an interesting subject. it's solidly established into a lot of our mediums of entertainment already.

but there remains one medium where sex is never seen as favorable....

the horror movie. it is a known and established fact that in horror movies, anybody doing sex or being overtly promiscuous is sure to die. that's been established since nightmare on elm street where a young johnny depp get's eaten by a bed. or more currently in house of wax where paris hilton get's skewered in the head. again, no sex in horror films. or you'll die. only the virgin gets to keep his life.

a comforting thought.

...but then again, my life isn't a horror movie.

my favorite book is a boring read

2006-07-19T10:46:00.000-07:00

i remember high school when the "in thing" in class was to sign somebody's autograph book. having somebody ask for you to fill up their AG book was like them saying, "i think you're interesting" or, "just sign it cause we're in the same goddamn class and it'd be mighty impolite if i didn't make you sign it". i signed three AG books in those 4 years so that makes me an unpopular person back in high school. and other than being unpopular, i was normal.

well, yes! as surprising as it may come i was a normal person. and i did what normal people do. i read books. and because you read books you have to sign that line that says - favorite book. along with: favorite color, favorite food, favorite movie and all those other favorites including the all important question, "who is your crush?"....with which i would often sign in....SECRET

don't laugh! go through your AG book and you would see that probably half of your classmates wrote there SECRET or some made-up name....like GOOGLYBEAR.

so what did i fill up as my favorite book? uhmm...probably then it was Basics of Chemistry or Advanced Trigonometry. hah! yes! back then i was a nerd and don't go teasing me around about it.

but then, make me sign another AG book and i'd probably write two. and as how all favorite books go, such reads are those that would have had the most influence on your personal growth. as it happens, those two books happen to be boring reads. by boring, i would mean lengthy narrative boring. but despite this, those two books have been critical to shaping how i see life in all it's desplendor.

so let me kill the suspense and just tell you what they happen to be. the first one, would be jostein gaarder's or gaardner's "sophie's world". whatever the real name of the author is doesn't matter, so don't make me research it. i didn't blog here to write about my favorite author but instead about my favorite book. okay? so what's so great about sophie's world. it's just a thick read full of philosophical bullshit! well. that's it really! it's the philosophical BS. it's out there. it's about existentialism and all that "are we for real?" crap.

the other book happens to be the one i like better. it's oscar wilde's "the picture of dorian grey". it's classical and it's old. few people have read it. unless of course they were forced to read it in high school literature class.

the great thing about the DG book is that it's an interesting take on my favorite sin, "vanity". in fact this said book was the inspiration for me to write my first ever blog. at that point i was being intellectually vain.

but it is not really just a take on vanity, it's a question into the morality of man. when is it that we are truly moral. is it when we conform to the mandates of society or is it when we do as we feel and think? if it were the latter then to be moral is to sin. and if we are to talk about sin then none are graver than the 7 Capitals. Pride, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Envy, Sloth and that other A which i keep forgetting, Avarice. and if i reflect on my life i'd say i've done every bit of those. (so god help me but i think i've reserved myself a spot in hell!)

and when i think about the Capitals all that comes to mind as an excuse is that, "that's what i wanted." because at some point in our lives we want something. it may differ from person to person. we may want recognition, sex, war, food, what others have, the absence of responsibilities, or just plain wanting. in a sense we may sometimes be moved to what we desire. and often what we desire above all else is in turn to be wanted. and by who? my recollections of high school lead me to one conclusion.....that it must be SECRET.

stories from home: anthony

2006-06-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

lola always told good stories.

i remember one of them. it was the story of how the firetree first came to be. it tells of how a young god fell in love with a village girl. i don't remember it by heart and the details are difficult to recall. but i do miss lola's stories and every so often that they come to mind, my heart feels the pangs.

my parents moved to the city when i was 12. the first night that we did was also the first night that i had to do without accounts of princes, and dragons and magic. it certainly had been difficult and i'd bring myself to daydreaming in the afternoons of how the stories went along.

i was 15 when lolo died. we came back to the province on the 2nd day of the wake. there we stayed for a week. before we left again for the city my parents tried their best to convince lola to stay with us but she insisted that she stay. the time i was there, i also tried to convince lola to tell me her stories again but she fell ill and i never got what i wanted. lola decided to stay in our hometown with her household yaya.

my parents died in a road accident 5 years after, when on their way back from baguio the bus behind them lost gear and slammed into the mountainside. the accident crushed the right side of the car.

i didn't have any relatives other than lola so i was sent to the province. i was 20 and idealistic. i wanted to see the world. i wanted to make the most out of my life. but lola needed taking care of. last year lola had started getting very ill. the doctors said she had alzheimer's. nobody else was there to take care of her as yaya was going home to their hometown.

my lola proved difficult to look after during the time i took care of her. she frequently vomitted and on some days would defecate on her bed. she was also very temperemental and would often throw the household stuff. there were good days when i would be able to talk to her.

i often wished things could turn out for the better. i wanted to go back to the city. finish my degree. get a job. go out of the country. but there was lola and i was the only one she had and she was the one that made me stay.

my lola talked to me about when i was young. it was one of her better nights. i told her of how i missed her stories. she told me one. that story i remember well. it was about a young man who felt he had everything in the world for him. but his family held him back. so one day he ran away from home. then the story goes on to tell of how he became king of a country and lived a glorious life.

i wished i could run away from home. but then again nobody was there to take care of lola.

my last duty every night was to check on lola and to make sure that everything was okay. i would close her windows. go to her bed. check to see if she was okay and then turn off her bedside lamp.

i looked at lola as i was about to turn off the lamp. i thought about my life. i thought about hers. i thought about how things would be in the future. before i turned off the lamp, i fluffed lola's pillow and stared at my hands for some time....and then i turned off the lamp.

my lola was 67 when we buried her that sunday. it was raining in the cemetery and the clammy moisture clung to my skin and the sharp wind stung my face. the priest made the last blessing and the shovellers lowered her coffin. 6 feet of ground and dust separated me and my lola that afternoon. i stayed by her grave for an hour. though the rain fell strongly that afternoon the coldness didn't bother me. it was a dark dreary day then. but i felt that tomorrow, the sun would be out.

lola always told good stories. her stories didn't always end nicely. but however they did, they always turned out for the best.

of red-red, D.O.M.s, and the perfect cheesecake

2006-06-06T03:44:00.000-07:00

just recently i happened to be in dumaguete to attend a friend's wedding. these are the accounts of what occured during the said visit.

11:00 AM Thursday, June 1, 2006:
we left the office around 11:00 AM. the agreement was to leave at about 10:00 AM but the Filipino trait resurfaced and a couple of us came late. (apologies to Paul and Roshelle who had to wait). we headed on taxi to the South Bus Terminal to ride a bus for Liloan, Cebu. alex who also came in late was pleased that we met at the office as he had Citilink in mind.

upon reaching Liloan we took the fast craft to Sibulan, which took about 30 mins. nothing of interest happened that time.

2:00 PM Thursday, June 1, 2006:
dumaguete is a very quaint city. it is not celebrative but rather has a very relaxed atmosphere. as usual Lexie wanted to introduce gayness into the conservative city. every now and then while we were riding the multicab to WorldView Hotel, he would wave at different passersbys and greet, "Hi Churva! Kumusta naman ang pagchuchumenylyn natin dyan?"

upon getting to the hotel we learned that our reservations had only been for the 2nd and so we had to settle for a family room with an extra bed. i had to settle for the extra bed as I was in the presence of queens; a drama queen and two drag queens.

7:00 PM Thursday, June 1, 2006:
red-red is the oldest of 3 siblings. she was also the first of the siblings to practice the oldest profession...hoaring.

we never got to meet red-red during our visit in dumaguete. we had walked the boardwalk two nights in a row hoping to meet the infamous prostitute. never happened.

meet however her two siblings.

r. teves, a.k.a., blue-blue. blue-blue is the sibling with the weakest constitution. born early and with a congenital head deformation, she may frequently complain of pain. often the party pooper, you should be wary around blue-blue as she tends to be the most EYVEL among the siblings.

eth. ethtemar, a.k.a. black-black. black-black is the most photogenic of the sisters. (take note, picture beautiful does not necessarily mean person beautiful) despite this shortcoming, black-black possesses tremendous confidence. sorry, that's an understatement. confidence to the highest level.

somewhere between 1:00 AM and 3:00 AM, Friday, June 2, 2006:
"hi! my friend wants to meet you." wouldn't you like to hear that? you hear that and you're heart skips a beat. thoughts run through your head and your heart starts beating. and it's interesting for you to realize that someone actually fancies you.

reality check, what if a Dirty Old Man is the one asking you that question for his Dirty Old Man friend? same physiological reaction. thoughts run through your head and your heart starts beating. "could i possibly run fast enough to get away from them?"

we we're in the said situation in dumaguete. well, not us. just paul and lexie.

after hours, Friday, June 2, 2006:

drunk talk does not make sense. i don't do drunk talk because i try not to get drunk. roshelle does not drink at all. i have a feeling that if she did. she'd have a nervous breakdown. but lexie and paul do. they drank quite a lot. which was probably what got us into the predicament earlier. the conversation, excuse me, ramble, was about love, sex and reminiscing.

on the way back. we had to walk because dumaguete does not have taxis. no pedicabs in sight too. all for the better. like i said drunk talk does not make sense. if you would like to see some proof, ask me. i've got it all on video. it's a music video actually of the popular song, "how much is that doggie in the window."

we did get home safely that night though and the sleep was quite good.

5:00 PM Friday, June 2, 2006:
no! we did not sleep until 5! we woke up right around 11 but i skipped a few hours in my narrative. i'll often skip to the good parts.

chuckie's wedding started at 5. the invite said 4 but things always do start late here in the philippines. it's a recurring trait as i said earlier.

7:00 PM Friday, June 2, 2006:
the reception started about 7. it was in one of dumaguete's better resorts. i forgot the resort name. lexie says it's "southsea side resort something." the food was great but the funniest thing was the wedding cake. it wasn't you're typical wedding cake, it was a three-tiered tray full of cupcakes. i thought it was part of the desserts. so i just took one. leon happened to ask where i got the cupcake and i told him where. after he did, everyone else took a piece from it. unfortunately, it was the wedding cake. so there was no eating of the cake scene for the reception. (nobody knows that i initiated the hoarding of the cake and everybody blamed leon for it...but don't tell!)

10:00 PM Friday, June 2, 2006:
they say the best party scene in dumaguete is in el camino bar. so that's where we went to that evening. i had hoped for a real good night. but apparently, people in dumaguete don't know how to dance. they know how to flirt around, which was what paul and lexie were indulging in. i got bored so i just drank myself stupid with red horse and vodka.

we went home around 2 am the following day

12:00 PM Saturday, June 3, 2006:
i think it was about this time. we strolled down boulevard looking for a good place to eat at. we eventually ended up eating at this cafe. can't quite remember the name but there remains one unforgettable thing about the place. CHEESECAKE! (notice the caps) it was the best cheesecake in the world. well, at least where i've tried it out. but then roshelle, lexie and paul all agree with me that it was the BEST, if not, THE PERFECT CHEESECAKE! everything in it just melts in your mouth - cream, crust and blueberries all! if i happen to be back in dumaguete, i'm going to buy a whole box of it.

the afternoon till the evening of Saturday, June 3, 2006:
we packed our stuff up. took the trip back.

cab, boat, bus. split our ways.

taxi. home. and finally! bed!

in defense of some alleged promiscuous dancing

2006-05-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

it's been some time since my last post. you see, i'm finding it hard to compose something. i don't have an idea what to write about and if an idea does come to mind, i end up with writer's block so nothing gets written anyway.

however, just recently we had our annual Convergys Summer Outing at Cebu Beach Club last May 25, 2006. during the said outing, several witnesses claimed that i was involved in some promiscuous dancing.

i am thus writing here in order to clear up my name on this matter as i feel that it would be dangerous for such accusations to remain.

such accusations were brought to attention by a friend who had mentioned that some agents were commenting on a certain Sprint TL who was caught doing wild dancing with several people. According to the witnesses the said TL's dancing was very provocative and was bordering on the sexual. Surprise was then the common reaction of people to this as they had not expected that the said TL would display diRRRty behaviour.

although i am not positive that i was the said TL being mentioned in the blind item, the said friend insists that i was the one being targeted and thus i am answering their claims.

i confirm that on the evening of Thursday, May 25, 2006, in the vicinity of Cebu Beach Club, around the hours of 7:00-9:00 PM, i was involved in some dancing. said dancing was done either in the presence or in partner with good friends or my agents. said dancing was intended to be for fun and to give off infectious energy to the other participants. said dancing was not sexual in any manner and was performed as good clean fun and with sound mind.

should there be such who still insist that it was sexual, i plead innocent. yes i do dance. and i dance well. but i do not sex up my dancing. dance is an expression of art. and being a failed artist i am entitled to explore other expressions of art than just paint, music and paper. if it be in dance, then give me this right.

markdown, line item number 24: rambled

2006-05-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

as the title will suggest, this particular post has no intended central theme and direction. it will meander any which way the author likes and will contain whatever is in the immediate consciousness of the author at the time of writing...

begin...

i went to the dental clinic earlier today to have a tooth extracted. a molar. number 6 on the teeth count. it has previously had a dental filling and it is now falling apart. anyway, the dentist said we couldn't have it done right away, it being an upper molar. an x-ray was needed. but i had a general cleaning and had some gaps filled. it's covered by the maxicare of course. back again to the rotten tooth. i had it x-rayed. bad news. it seems the root of the tooth, all three are overlapping into the sinal cavity. this means if the tooth will be extracted, i will most likely end up with an infection or that everytime i gargle, water will pour out of my nose. disgusting. lesson learned: value your teeth.

it's saturday afternoon today and i'm loving the weather. gray sky, a drizzle on the ground. a mistiness and a coldness that seeps into your bones. there's always something about a cold weather that strikes a chord in me. it brings about a melancholic feeling. and i'm a sucker for melancholia.

bitch! i'm talking about the waitress at the cafe i'm making this blog in. i just ordered some water and asked it to be placed in a spill-proof bottle. and the next thing i know, she slams it by the pc. of course it was slammed, i had the headset on and i still heard it being put with force. i just wrote down a complaint and i'm giving it to their boss. god! i hope she gets a beating!
i can fairly hear them talking about the incidence a few metres to my right side. heck! if your going to talk about things behind my back, might as well do it away from my line of vision.
i can't think clearly when i'm pissed off, so it'll take some time for me to write down the next paragraph.......................................................................................................

i've got work later tonight and try as i might i can't force myself to sleep. that's why i'm trying to tire myself out by thinking nonsense and posting it here. i may have some condition you know. mommy bevs said i might. i often have difficulty sleeping and when i'm awake i end up fatigued like a few hours after. it has not progressed to the extremity of narcolepsy yet.

i'm thinking of moving out from my place here in banilad. it's too far from work. that's the only reason really. i spend about an hour getting from here to the site and i'm pretty sure i could do a lot of stuff in that time. i asked the help of gracie to find a place and there's an apartment worth 6000 w/ 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a shared living room and kitchen and a verandah. i asked jumax about it as she's also looking to move closer to the office and she says the space is too small for her. i don't know.

i'm watching the naruto vs sasuke episode of naruto as i don't have any thing to do. i'm bored.

jappy, mike and joy think i'm being others. i don't hang out with them anymore. i asked jappy, what do they get when i'm there and what do they stand to lose if i'm not. she said, friendship. i've got a 116 people listed on my friendster list. not a lot. and the number of the people i really do have as friends would be much fewer.

anyway, i'm tired and sleepy now so this ends here.

oh where does the time go?

2006-05-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

when was the last time i read a full book? it was probably more than a year ago...the thought depresses me...quite some time ago, i saw myself as a freelance novelist who wrote dark fiction...now i can't even compose a decent blog without either rambling unweighty BS or losing my train of thought.

it's not that i don't see the value of reading but that i can barely find the time to read anymore. the time of the day i have left after work is left to sleeping. which makes my life an endless cycle of sleep, work and eat. other than reading, there are a ton of other activities i would kill to be able to find the time: working out, decluttering my room, learning how to cook, hitchhiking, the list could go on. but again, all i could ever manage to do once i get off work is sleep.

it's probably just an issue of personal time management. i'm sure a number of people have the same sentiments about their lives. the only difference between a doer and a thinker (the stage i am still currently at) is the action. you see, i have this disease that i can't seem to shrug off. i procrastinate. and i'm sure that this is what primarily wastes the most of my time.

ok, let me be entirely honest about it then. i don't necessarily spend most of my time off work sleeping. well i do get stuck in ayala or some other place just chilling out, dining out or window shopping. and yes, i know, they're all a total waste of time. which is what again led me to the realization that i procrastinate.

here's the rundown...i spend two hours after shift at ayala to just eat and then mall around. the more successful people would spend the whole two hours in this manner: 30 mins - eat lunch, 15 mins - stop for a cup of coffee and reading the paper, 15 mins - organize their day or the next day, 10 mins - calling up their contacts, 30 mins - reassessing their goals and making an action plan, 20 mins - getting to that place they need to be to start hitting their goals.

and this further derails me. why can these power people have the committment to manage their life in such an efficient and effective manner. why can't i?

julia fordham was right to ask, "where does the time go?" i have my own answer to that. in useless crap! so i've got my goals reassessed. and i'm starting my new year's resolution: stop procrastinating! and i'll start it today or tomorrow! we'll see!

the psychology of bisayan curse words

2006-05-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

it happened to strike me not too long ago while i was musing on the usual unimportant things in life. bisayan curse-words are unique in character. if you would take notice, bisayan-curse words centralize upon the regionally transcending topic of sex, or "kayat"...

what i have noticed is that while the other languages do make use of words "that denote sex" as curse-words...americans for example frequently use fuck...the bisayan curse-word vocabulary extends to using the actual sexual organs...

i mean i haven't heard anybody use the word dick or pussy as a negative interjection...it may often be used in an adjectivial sense but never as stand-alone sentences that give the feel of strong negativity.

and in contemplating this, i wondered if there was perhaps an underlying psychology as to why the words are used...and that includes the context in which they are used...

let's begin with the popular feminine curse-word "bilat!" the word refers to the female sex organ in general...when it is often used it indicates a sudden surprise, a disbelief, a shock at the extremeness of something pointed at...now...what does such usage indicate?

the context in which the word is used probably describes how bisayan culture views the female organ...as something utterly surprising...something disbelievable...as something which one would not expect to exist in such extreme proportions...i'll leave you to finish the line of thought

then let us turn our attention towards the masculine curse-word "lagay" and "lolo", which are often used with a second-person possessive pronoun "nimo"...the phrases "lagay nimo!" and "lolo nimo!" are often used to indicate that one distrusts in what the other party may be saying...a doubt that what he is professing as truth is an exaggeration or quite possibly, just plain untrue

so how does the male sex organ then come across...the bisayan culture may view the male sex organ as a phallusy, ehem, fallacy...that perhaps, should the subject be raised, all it comes across is an exaggeration...a blowing-up of something which is less than expected

and then is the issue of the curse-word "kayat!" which is the actual sexual act itself...often the word is used to indicate a passionate negativity towards the occurrence of an event...displeasure at a given incidence

so, if thought were applied to the words usage, bisayan culture might view the actual act of sex as an unpleasant topic...a regional taboo...or perhaps it indicates the bisayan attitude in the actual act of copulation...either that of marked displeasure or a strong tendency to become violent

the intention in writing out this post is not to insist or enforce my personal views on the topic, after all one's interpretation of psychology is meant to be personal

let this then be just a suggestion for the reader to give some thought on the subject and perhaps reflect on...should the reader choose not to, let me leave off with a personal declaration
"bilat! lolo nimo ug dili ka motuo sa aho! kung dili ka ganahan ani, unsa man diay imo gusto? kayata sad nimo uy!"

one afternoon while drinking coffee at starbucks

2006-05-05T22:46:00.000-07:00

it's an hour after work...i'm in ayala and then the same impulse hits me...a cup of coffee.

at this point i have this feeling that this is not a developed addiction to the caffeine from the well-brewed coffee of starbucks...this is more on a vain response to seemingly look interesting as one reads a thick paperback book by a recognized classical author.

so, the impulse takes over...and slowly but purposefully i head to my destination... a two-story building with a quasi-spanish developed architecture...order my usual cup of short cafe macchiato, head downstairs, take a table facing the lagoon and take two minutes of seating myself comfortably on the metallic seat...i then take out the thick, paperback book which i had been postponing to read for quite some time...

i take out the thick, paperback book, fyodor doestoevsky's "the brother's karamazov" and pretend that i'm doing something interesting...as i do this seemingly mentally excruciating exercise, a line of thought begins to form...my shallowness is accentuated by this hobby i am trying to pick-up...i am reading not for the sake of developing a hobby but to feed my intellectual vanity

perhaps our life is filled with moments when we act to feed our own vanities...wearing a handsome get-up is a product of our aesthetic vanity, adding people to your friendster list derives from your social vanity, even isolating oneself from other's is vanity, a vanity in peculiarity

if such were truth, are we any less noble as humans? if nobility were gauged on selflessness then yes...but may not selflessness be it's own type of vanity, a vanity of divinity? doing good for the reward which is eternal life...a reward which is made favorable by living among the divine beings

in effect, one might get bothered on the concept that perhaps we are not as noble as we aspire to be...the reaction the reader may have towards this may be displeasure...that! i cannot affect

the only consolation i could offer is that while i am writing this, i am in a state of mental euphoria owing to an excess of nicotine...and thus whatever i may write here is of no importance and should not in any way be treated seriously

how much does a blog cost you?

2006-04-22T13:44:00.000-07:00

a friend says it costs him 3 hours of his time at work. another says it costs him his friends who get offended by the honesty in his blogs.

a blog is thus priced more than the costless effort of signing up for it. when you make a blog you end up baring yourself to people. at times, the things that you write may seem weightless but the prejudiced will always look for something there. something that may either make you look good or bad. and at times you feel the pressure. let's say you write a wonderfully creative blog piece. how do you top that? how can you make something better than the last one. and you end up not knowing what to write after that.

a blog may either create or destroy you.

it's anything from paving your way to paradise or selling your soul to the devil.